Listen, I understand the struggle of being single. I relate to the feeling of uncertainty and inconsistent messages leading to heartbreak. I spent majority of my life as a single woman, always craving for a fairytale romance and a knight and shining armor. I wrote blog posts about it, prayed for my future husband, even dated a few duds. I let myself get degraded and taken advantage of emotionally and even did my share of stringing along. I had the contradicting need for attention coupled with a desire to be on my own and focus on my personal growth.

Times of uncertainty and loneliness are natural. They’re going to happen and you’re going to be able to claw your way out of them – I promise. Doors to restricted areas are closed and locked for a reason. What’s behind the door isn’t for you or is completely irrelevant to who you are. Stop trying to pick the lock on doors that you don’t need to open. Because trying to force your way into someone’s life is only going to make things messy and complicated.

Guess what – it’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to spend your college years joining a sorority or building your skills and knowledge for only yourself. It’s okay to have years where you haven’t even spoken to the opposite sex with feelings of relationship connections.

This doesn’t mean that your door will always be closed. It means that your door is somewhere else, somewhere safer – maybe even in an entirely different building. You can try to force yourself to find someone to complete yourself only to find the key doesn’t fit.

Here’s the thing: you have to find your worth in who you are as a single woman before that door can be opened.

If you are an insecure mess with confidence that is non-existent, then giving a partner the love and respect that they need will be harder and forced. That’s not to say that you have to be a perfectly confident woman in order to find a husband – insecurities will always be there. It’s to say that spending your single season and years bettering yourself and learning about who you are and who you want to be will make your confidence shine naturally.

I found someone in my most confident season as a single woman. I was dead set on starting my post-grad life on my own as a single 20-something young professional with endless possibilities. It was in this time of my life that I just sort of stumbled into the right building at the right time and the key was placed into my pocket like it had always been there. I didn’t force and flirt my way in – I was still my clumsy, awkward, self – but I was okay with my so-called flaws being there.

Basing who you are on the attention of men means that every time they leave or hurt you – you lose who you are. Spending your days endlessly swiping on Tinder or gaining Facebook friends will fill your momentary need for attention. Stop looking at couples with envy in your heart and bitterness on your tongue. There is no need for this – and all it will do is build up a wall in front of you that will make getting to your door even harder.

Have confidence in your days as a woman and daughter of God. Have faith in his plans for your life. Don’t waste your days sitting idly thinking that if you just swiped one more time your prince will come. Find who you want to be and how you’re going to get there. Focus on the fact that life as a single woman gives you endless possibilities and freedoms that should be cherished and celebrated.

After all,

Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. 😉

– 1 Corinthians 11:9