Recently I have been having moments of “Oh, yeah, I’m going to be a Bride!” and then I get another moment of “Oh my gosh I’m going to be a wife!” I feel like my entire life has led up to these moments and I’m still in shock that it’s actually happening. In exactly 124 days I will no longer be just a fiancé, I will be his wife. I’ve always looked to be a Proverbs 31 woman just in my daily life, but now I need to take my prayers of the future and put them into action.

Brandon and I began our relationship upfront and honest. He knew I was a virgin waiting for marriage, and that my faith was important to me. His faith was less developed – but to this day he amazes me with his growth and his grace. I attribute a lot of what we have accomplished as a couple in our faith to the example of my parents.

Firstly, my parents have been children’s pastors for longer than I can remember, as well as faithfully attended the same church since my mother was a child. Therefore, Bailey and I grew up in the church and around the church. Talk of faith and of a Proverbs 31 woman is never scarce. My parents faithfully took up small groups on Thursday evenings with couples from our church – which was astounding since usually my parents shy away from company. They began and ended a few sessions of small groups and I had not thought to join. Until they asked if I would like to join for a small group aimed at younger, as well as single Christians.

The 6-week study called The Illumination Project is by a young woman named Joy Eggerichs, daughter of Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. The study focused on love and respect for 18-35 year olds, male and female relationships, and gave a great perspective on godly relationships both romantic and not. Hearing a twenty-something beautiful young woman talk about her walk in faith as a single woman was exactly what I needed to build the foundation to having a godly relationship down the road.

Fast forward a year, and Brandon and I were newly dating…. barely even a month newly dating. My father made the joke that we should take their couples small group since they had room. Me, lacking faith I should have had, didn’t think it was a good idea or that Brandon would even want to. I was wrong – and I am glad I did.

The principles and teachings we learned from Dr. Emerson Eggerichs Love and Respect are some of the most important teachings I have ever had the pleasure to learn. The small group study digs deep into the different makeups of men and women and the differences that are engrained within us. It outlines why so many relationships and marriages fail because of the constant spiral of something called “The Crazy Cycle.” 

The Crazy Cycle is something that I think has bonded us as a couple because we know the second we hit that first step we have to step back, think, and reconcile. I do not claim to be able to explain all the amazing teachings he has, but the shortened version is seen below. Without love – she reacts. Without respect – he reacts. Until eventually in is a spiral of continuous reactions with no resolutions. Brandon will always be the first to look at me when things are going wrong and say “I’m sorry if what I said came across as unloving”. To which I always say “I’m sorry if what I said came across as disrespectful.” In addition – I love how Love and Respect digs deep into the age old question of women submitting to their husbands and respecting them. No, it is not an ancient concept that has no merit in this world – it is an essential concept to how we are to have relationship with God. It is explained that in the essential makeup of how men and women are – men require respect and women require love. Women are naturally freely willing to give their love and need it in return to energize them – not the fact that they are not also to be respected. Men naturally look to give respect and gain respect in return to gain their confidence and their purpose – not to say they do not need love. This is not to say that all men are the same and all women are the same – he explains the flip-flopping of behaviors and where their roots may lie.

As my words do not do it justice nor have I explained the whole concept  fully – I highly suggest your own further personal look into the concepts.

I advise anyone – single, engaged, newly married, married for 50 years, and non-faith or Christian to at least read the general Love and Respect book. For me, it’s helped with all of my relationships including friendships. I notice the differences in people and where they get their energy from and what shuts them down. It has helped me in recognizing that men and women are just different – not wrong. We don’t say things with intention yet someone may hear what they thought you intended. It is such an important concept to grasp in our technologically enhanced world.

Do you have questions about Love and Respect? Suggestions on other Eggerichs things? Need relationship advice or prayer? Email me.